i don't exhibit many common signs of Autism, because they were forced out of me at an early age, for being wired or different. i remember an example at Sweat Winter Day Care (run by the local college, UMF, and staffed by students), where i used to love walking around on my toes. but they kept telling me to "walk flat on my feet, like normal". and that is why i think, today, i have severe Emotional Dysregulation. because i was forced to hide so much of who i was, i block off my emotions as well, leading to unregulated emotional "explosions" that i literally don't know how to control.
for example: the other day, a guy cut me off in traffic. rather than cursing at them like a "normal" person, i snapped and did a couple of donuts in the middle of the road. seems funny you may think? it was an immediate impulsive reaction, without thinking. no looking for other traffic, or pedestrians. i could have killed someone, or even myself! that is the point!
i have a Psych Doc appointment to discuss this in a few days to see how to better manage it. i also know now that the ER won't lock me in a padded room. they will simply give me medication to help me calm down, so i don't hurt myself, anyone else, or anything else.
my past mode of "explosion" has never hurt anybody else, but i have destroyed a lot of my property. like stereos, walls, doors, etc.. but i worry if i may start... what then?
I also have Depression. do i have Suicidal ideations? yes, many times a day, but i rarely make plans to act upon these ideas.
for example: the other day, a guy cut me off in traffic. rather than cursing at them like a "normal" person, i snapped and did a couple of donuts in the middle of the road. seems funny you may think? it was an immediate impulsive reaction, without thinking. no looking for other traffic, or pedestrians. i could have killed someone, or even myself! that is the point!
i have a Psych Doc appointment to discuss this in a few days to see how to better manage it. i also know now that the ER won't lock me in a padded room. they will simply give me medication to help me calm down, so i don't hurt myself, anyone else, or anything else.
my past mode of "explosion" has never hurt anybody else, but i have destroyed a lot of my property. like stereos, walls, doors, etc.. but i worry if i may start... what then?
I also have Depression. do i have Suicidal ideations? yes, many times a day, but i rarely make plans to act upon these ideas.